I love days like this one. Waking up with the marine wind blowing through the window, caressing my skin amongst the white sheets. Inhale. Fill. Exhale. Mountain tops glaze with golden morning sun. I look out the window to the Galet below. It's one of those clear days. Sky so clear the reflection of water shows the sapphire beauty of the sea as it touches the rocky tan shore, white caps accent the perfect scene. The rainy season has kicked in, and the earth blossoms anew, verdant and a gorgeous compliment to this sapphired ocean.
The August Supermoon was now waning, and the rest period of extended exhale ensued. The weeks past chapter of leaving island for a dream job in Chile had now cooled completely from its boiling climax and no longer lingered. It was time to create anew. It was time to bring my heart and soul back and reconnect my feet to the solid earth of St Lucia's land again, and the opportunity to re-fall in love with my Beloved was in the air. Despite being a strange feeling that this entire fiasco took place and never materialized, the lesson of acceptance for my present path was the sustenance that satiated me to move forward and start over. It was also exactly a year ago, also during a powerful supermoon, since the difficult breakup with my ex-fiance, the turning point that sent me on my way to St. Lucia. Looking back, I was amazed at how much I'd grown and changed in that time period. I was amazed at where I was now. Where I was living, who I was living with and the gratitude I was filled with.
Thoughts of Chile, a big city, a cold climate, the Andes mountains, and a hefty savings account did not wane quickly. The starry eyed image of this ideal was what I had created to be "the right fit" for me. Yet, so often times our minds fashion a story of what they believe we really want and is best for us. And the problem with that is just that-- that it is our minds. Day in and day out our minds control so much of our behaviors and thoughts. These are outward projections whose waves often get mixed up with some other unconscious or collaborative wishes, far from our highest good.
"Within you is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat anytime."
-Hesse-What if we were to stop and simply listen . . ? Listen to the inner stillness that speaks in and around us? What would this space of intuition and creativity say? I had been seduced to indulge on this appetizing chapter of what my life could look like in Chile, but when I stopped for a moment to take in all of the present of that which I was among, there was so much to be grateful for right here. I was in a gorgeous setting, prime real estate entrenched in nature, I was in the arms of a man whom I loved and loved me, my basic needs were taken care of, and I had friends here that I looked up to, and inspired me, who loved me and didn't want to see me go. The list could go on . . .
A friend and I were having a philosophical/ esoteric conversation about energies and the universe. One thing he said that stuck was how the universe has an abundant supply of energy, positivity, love, healing, etc., for everyone and everything. Oneness and Godness exists all around us, and as we tap in and tune in, the ability for us to create is an ability innate within. The point is, is that if we attempt to create something, and it does not manifest or doesn't work out the way we think it should, its okay, you simply create again. Months ago I had planted seeds in pots and in the garden, and remembered my disappointment when out of nowhere the plants just stopped maturing and gave up. But when you remember there is an infinite supply of creation, birth and death out there, you are reminded that you can just plant those seeds again, and try again. The saying that "timing is everything" is quite true, and just like it was too hot for my plants to produce, I was left with the acceptance that it simply wasn't my timing to leave this island yet. So just because something doesn't work out once, twice, or many times doesn't mean you have to stop trying. Of course getting discouraged and upset is an unconscious reaction, but you don't have to attach yourself to it. Instead, find that space of stillness, observe the feelings, and be grateful for the learnings and take action to create again when the time is right. What would I do now to create anew? This was the next phase to embark on.
Gratitude in itself, is an essential component of this blessed life experience. When you stay immersed in the awareness of it, more grace continually flows your way. It's one of life's paradoxes of how its easy to be grateful for things when situations are going your way, gifts present themselves and your out on top, but when you don't get your way, when you suffer, we're conditioned to drown in the sorrow and go down Negative River. But can we see the blessing within the muck? That is the true test! What did I gain from all this experience?? I had to put into practice what Oprah called seeing the blessing within the difficult times. Perhaps it was a blessing that I had to learn and learn again how to pick myself up and start over with fresh resolve without letting lingering disappointments get me down. Inhale . . . present moment . . . Exhale . . . acceptance.
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